The parsha of Ki Tetzeh describes a situation “when a man has two wives, one whom he loves and one whom he hates, and both the loved and unloved wives have sons, but the first-born is that of the unloved one” (Devarim 21:15). What follows is a rule regarding inheritance, “[Even if] the first-born is the son of the hated wife, [the father] must recognize him so as to give him a double portion of all his property. Since [this son] is the first fruit of [his father’s] strength, the birthright is legally his” (21:17).
Beyond the pshat of these verses, the Vishnitz Rav, Rav Eliezer Hager (1890-1945), author of “Damesek Eliezer”, gives a nice drash on this ruling, applicable to the difficult times people face in the course of their life. The two wives are two time periods in life. The loved wife represents the times when life seems to be going smoothly, everything makes sense, things are on the right track, and the difficulties and challenges are minor and easily dealt with. During these times, a person’s spiritual life is uncomplicated, and doing mitzvot and feeling a closeness to God is easy. The hated wife represents the difficult times, when there is no sense of calm and ease. During these times of turmoil it is very difficult to feel that spiritual growth is possible, at best we can hold on to what we have already. Every mitzvah is fought over, every moment of spirituality was hard won.
However, when it is time to receive the rewards for our actions, it turns out that the double portion goes to the “son of the hated wife”, the actions performed in hardship during the trying times. Why? Because this is “the first fruit of his strength”, this is where his effort and force of will really express themselves. The real inner strength of a person is not expended or even revealed during the easy times, but during the challenging “hated” times.
Based on this idea, if we find ourselves at a point in life when we do not feel challenged at all, when we are at a kind of plateau, we are not making use of the strength that God gave us. Just as an athlete pushes himself to beat previous records, not being satisfied with a good enough result, we should also find ways to constantly challenge ourselves and draw upon the abilities God has given us, which are there on a potential level, waiting to be realized.
My feeling is that the way to do this is to always be attempting something that in your eyes is impossible, out of reach. For every one it is something different, maintaining concentration during davening, controlling a negative thought process, changing a bad behavior, learning some aspect of the wide spectrum of Torah that you thought you would not be able to. I remember when I decided to begin Daf Yomi back in 1988. I had just finished my first stint in the IDF and realized that I was capable of pushing myself beyond the artificial physical and mental limits I had assumed about myself. At the time, Daf Yomi was in the middle of Zevachim, and I felt that out of all of the Gemara, the parts about sacrifices were so tedious and convoluted they would be too difficult for me to deal with, but it was exactly this that got me to start, and in the middle of a long discussion in the Gemara! If I could overcome so many difficulties in the army, couldn’t this newfound stamina be applied to learning as well? Over three decades and four cycles of Daf Yomi later, I can tell you from experience that it certainly can be applied to Torah learning. Whenever Elul rolls around, the “teshuva season”, it is important to make a list, not only of what you need to repair or undo, but also of what “impossible” and “hated” challenges you will be taking on this year. Over time this will enable us to increase our inner strength and abilities and face even greater, previously unimaginable, challenges, setting us on a path of constant growth for our entire lives.
